This sketch if of a conversation I had with a senior psychotherapist though she was not mine, I was consulting her. I told her about my difficult experiences of bereavement. She said "Your pain makes me want to turn away from you", or similar. Gestalt psychotherapists might notice that she stays in dialogue as she withdraws, she is expressing her own phenomenologically, self disclosing and bring authentic. I.e. she ticks all the boxes have an excellent start psychotherapist.  What she doesn't do the only thing that's needed in a moment like this, engagement, empathy,  compassion, wisdom, and yes, maybe a bit of horror too.  What I realised is a lot of therapists are good therapists not because of training though because of the things that they process themselves in their own lives. I have met people have been through similar life experiences to me and I can practically spot them across the room. If something like this happens to you in Therapy your therapist may be doing her work by the book, though I do recommend finding a different therapist who is able to engage with the issue with you, probably somebody who specialises in the nature of your problem. Although what this therapist does is technically correct it does not help the healing process in the client at all. All it does is solidify the adaptation in the client which she is trying to come out of. She tries to break her isolation, and the therapist compounds the problem rather than healing, just like in life, the tendency of others to withdraw and turn away  from those who experience difficult things, which can develop into mental health problems. ​

 

During my psychotherapy training one tutor had particularly contraversial views. Because his own psyche was polarised he interpreted the world and others in this way. His damaged ego was unable to take responsibility for mistakes.

This conversation never happened.  When he taught the class that polarisation is a given, he shouted out examples for the class to respond in unison.  When he shouted 'black' there was a loud chorus of 'white', while I thought to myself (realising from past interactions that challenging this person was dangerous), I thought 'grey' though kept it to myself. 

I went on to study Gestalt (I left this course at the end of the year) which does address polarisation. If you are polarised and you see a gestalt therapist you probably would not be by the end. You may experience each pole though find a capacity for fluid movement between the two which is healthy in the mind and the universe as a whole. Freidlander described the beautiful phenomenon of creative indifference (the mid-point between two poles) which help us understand this occurance better.

Ridgid thinking of this kind can be addressed in Therapy through an attitude of creative indifference (no need investment in either pole whilst holding both) of a good therapist. The strong ego of this person is defended (instead of addressing his incongruent statement he deflects the issues onto the other person). Narcissism often occurs because of a lack of mirroring which to a degree  can be addressed in Therapy.  

If your therapist seems polarised, overly ridgid, unable to dialogue (you shut down instead of speaking your mind) or narcissistic I would walk away.